Courage, For Crying Out Loud!

The word of the year is going to have to be courage.

I tried strength, but I worry there is blindness in just muscling through.

I was debating between manifesting and allowing, but that just proved how confused and addled I have allowed myself to become.  Will I be coming or going in 2010?  Forcing it or just letting life happen to me? Ugh, too much stress to solve THAT in one word.

I need a middle road that keeps me an active player in my fate and yet allows me to surrender to the larger forces of the Universe.

And so, instead of trying to craft a yearlong strategy, I will focus on how I will face life as its challenges and mystery emerge.

With courage.

Growing up, I was never aware that moms could cry.  Since Moira’s birth I have been blessed with tons of quality time with my mother and she has told me plenty of stories about being a fully human mommy to my sister and me, occasional tears and all.  I don’t want to start weeping in the pantry, but at least I have some validation that it is possible to be frail sometimes while still keeping your kids secure in the (perhaps mythic) idea of the Power and Might of the Mommy.

The tidal waves of hormones through pregnancy and the “fourth trimester” have been ample excuse to dissolve into sobs.  It’s time to change that.  Not because I want to start bottling up my emotions or because I want to stop dealing with my feelings (impossible anyway), but because I need to take on the world with all my wits about me.

This is such a confessional turn (more than usual, even) for the first day of the year, but I do not think that I am alone in this.  For all that we may be proud of how aware we are, of how good it feels to “get it” about so many things, there is still a tendency toward leading with our weaknesses.

We have examined our pasts, our spirits, our souls, and we feel pretty comfortable there.  Light has been cast on the wounds and the failings and the idiosyncrasies that make us weird and wonderful.  All this plumbing of our inner depths can leave us holding buckets of pain and pounds of explanations for why we react the way we do, why it’s ok that we’re broken.

All this self examination does no always bring us to the place of wholeness, to strength, to courage, to passion, to forward momentum.

That takes another kind of work, a fiery kind of work that requires more energy than it might takes simply to look within and endlessly ask “why?”

I know a lot about who I am, and I know why I behave how I do.  Now is the time to act on that knowledge, cultivate the behaviors that serve me and abandon those which do not.

Now is the time to turn outward to not only look upon the world with courage, but to move through the world embodying the Damn Fine Courageous and Outrageous Mother that I know I really am.


5 thoughts on “Courage, For Crying Out Loud!

  1. Blisschick January 1, 2010 / 12:01 pm

    Bravo and Amen! 🙂

    Yes, we were touched by the same moonbeam. I agree.

    This is that “what now” stage that traditional therapy, I think, leaves out of the equation. We know as much “WHY” as we possibly can; we understand the story as deeply as we can; WHAT NOW!?

    Courage. Integrity. Fortitude. Stick-to-it-iveness.

    THAT is what now.

  2. Sunrise Sister January 1, 2010 / 1:03 pm

    I see that Blisschick has replied with my response and that is worth saying again – AMEN – and go for it! Happy New Year!


  3. sue January 1, 2010 / 8:29 pm

    What a lovely writer you are! I am so glad to have found you. Courage is a lovely word to live into this year.

  4. Tess January 2, 2010 / 11:07 am

    This is wonderful, inspiring stuff. I so VERY nearly chose courage as my own word of the year. And I even went through exactly the same mental debate over the word strength. I think you’re absolutely right, there can be a way in which we continue with our weakness, enduring with strength and understanding, but not moving forward. We see this a lot in the Enneagram teaching I love so much – people start using their personality type as an excuse for behaving in a certain way, not as a tool to move forward.

  5. claire January 2, 2010 / 2:59 pm

    The mere fact that you wrote this post shows that you already have the spirit of courage.

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