The Return of the Wayward Corporate Refugee

From the back garden you will be able to see the wild wood.
The deep well you walk past leads to Winter’s realm;
there is another land at the bottom of it.
If you turn around here,
you can walk back, safely;
you will lose no face. I will think no less of you.

(Welcome wisdom… BlissChick offered this Neil Gaiman poem, “Instructions,” today)

I have been away.

Digging for a new sense of purpose...
Digging for a new sense of purpose...

I have been on a journey. Not far, just a journey that took me from the once-upon-a-time a church organ that is my beloved writing desk to the more public realm of the kitchen table.

The work I was doing was pulling me from my shell (often against the will I insisted on trampling upon) and was asking me to consider pulling open some other people’s shells as well.

With the belief (or was it an excuse?) that getting involved with a multilevel marketing company that offers a great product endorsed by Deepak Chopra was going to propel me along the path to being a healer, I gave the last month to this new project. The economic pinch we’re feeling made it seem like an even more acceptable idea. Unsure what was healthy skepticism and what was irrelevant fear,

I plunged in.

But now, as I look at empty slots on the blog calendar and barely remember the names of beloved characters from my neglected novel and realize I really owe Grandpa an email, I wonder if it was worth it and I wonder how to proceed.

It is only just past Imbolc (Brigid’s Day I barely gave myself time to recognize) and I find I have slipped out of 2009’s intended alignment already. Or rather, I was forcing myself into a new alignment that was so far off my present course that it seemed like so much chaos. I was aligning with my need to help save up for impending school taxes. I was aligning with the dreams that my teachers in my healing school had decided would light their own paths. I was aligning with my hope that skepticism was unnecessary baggage and that some corporate promises were fueled by something more than deception and greed.

Finding contentment with where I am
...finding contentment with where I am

I didn’t use this space to describe my brief journey with Zrii, and I have little desire to use it to describe what is probably going to involve walking away or at least drastically altering my relationship with the whole affair. It’s been a tremendous learning opportunity, and I have been plunged into some lessons I didn’t think I was ready to absorb. It all came on the heels of other personal shifts that I thought would take a long time to sort through. I assumed the universe would give me the luxury to focus on one bend in the road at a time, but here I am, once again trying to understand: I am not in control.

So, I believe that I return from this little sojourn with new wisdom, something risked and something gained. I opened arms wide enough to risk humiliation, and so I learn some humility. And so I return to my own path, one that has no logo and no endorsement, one that is shrouded in no illusions but the ones I cannot yet leave behind.

Remember your name.
Do not lose hope — what you seek will be found.
Trust ghosts. Trust those that you have
helped to help you in their turn.
Trust dreams.
Trust your heart, and trust your story.

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5 thoughts on “The Return of the Wayward Corporate Refugee

  1. Blisschick February 7, 2009 / 10:24 pm

    ohhhh…I guess Mr. Neil was just the medicine for today! 🙂

    How intriguing all of this is, and I hope to hear more from you soon! You have been missed in this little, “virtual” community.

    • girlwhocriedepiphany February 8, 2009 / 11:31 am

      Yes, yes, all hail Mr Gaiman (finally, R, I present something you can unequivocally agree with??)!

      Oh Tess and Bliss, it does feel good to be back. I tested a blogless world for a while and realized it was a little less sweet. Who knows? Maybe Zrii existed so I could get over my angst about “to blog or not to blog??”

      xo
      M

  2. Tess February 8, 2009 / 7:51 am

    “What you seek will be found”. Sounds as if you’re on the way again. Good to hear your voice.

  3. Ruaidhri February 8, 2009 / 11:20 am

    Can’t go wrong with more Neil Gaiman!

  4. Bridget February 8, 2009 / 1:44 pm

    Ok, first of all, I believe there is a difference between greed and being concerned about the financial security that could potentially allow you to explore and maintain – in all of the ways you feel could be important – your spirituality, your body, your thirst for knowledge and your desire for balance. So, maybe the Zrii thing got out of control, but I don’t believe it was driven by greed 🙂

    Second, I need to read some more Neil Gaimam.

    And third, you are beautiful and thoughtful and every time I read your blog I learn something new from your insight.

    Love you Sessa!!

    B

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