Name the Stars and Someone May Listen

beto_camin, everystockphoto.com
beto_camin, everystockphoto.com

Some weeks ago, after returning from a less than stimulating social engagement, I considered writing a post entitled “I’m allergic to small talk.” Skimming through pleasantries and inquiring about mutual acquaintances ran its course until we settled into the uneasy conversational currency of complaint.

I yearned to be home writing and was unable or unwilling to push the conversation into new territory. I accepted the limitations of my company and chose an uneasy silence and feigned sleepiness.

When I got back to the keyboard I thought better of such a negative invective against well-enough meaning people with whom I could not find a conversational groove. The bright side was that eventually we got to go home – that is not exactly the little ray of hope and insight that turns a pedestrian moment of my day into an epiphany.

There was no flash of self discovery. There was just relief when I got to escape and a lingering sense of guilt for being unable to be a good guest.

But during another nighttime walk with our visiting canine friend, I forgot about hunching down into collar of my jacket and let the chill tickle my neck as I tilted my head back to take in the stars. Brilliant on the frigid, moonless night, there was the constellation of the faithful hunter keeping watch over the winter sky.

orion_constellation_smallAnd a lyric that so often comes to mind resurfaced: I see Orion and say nothing.

Amazing how a line from a song about the ultimate love/hate relationship peppered with healthy doses of the mother-of-all-words can help put everything in perspective, but hey, that’s Ani for you.

Suddenly I was having that long overdue epiphany about how I might have transformed that visit from a session in alienation into a chance at real connection. I sat behind my eyes and tended private dreams and unspoken thoughts. I greedily gazed into my own dome of stars and refused to share them with these people that I still wanted to call my friends.

There are plenty of people in this world that are incredibly difficult, if not impossible, to connect with. Racists, misogynists, homophobics… the list of unsavory characters you would never want at your dinner table is easy enough to create. There may be worth in trying to court these creatures and pull them over to the lighter side of being, but that takes intense effort and dedication and often turns out better in the movies than it does in real life.

What I was asking from myself was nothing like that, and connection would be nowhere near as hard. They may not be my soul mates and our worlds may seem totally unrelated, but they are good people and they deserve the stories and ideas I am holding in reserve.

I may continue to be allergic to small talk as I feel all of these momentous ideas and changes rolling through my life, but that is not supposed to be a reason to lose touch with the people who have walked along my path with me to this point. Sure, some relationships need to fall away because needs and attitudes evolve and some former companions are not meant to accompany us forever. It is important to be able to let go of the people and places and habits that no longer help us serve our highest purpose.

At the same time, a great deal of responsibility still lays in the hands of the journeyer. The reason to embark upon a quest for awakening is to positively effect the entire Universe – to let the beautiful diamond dropped in your own consciousness to ripple outward to heal the entire world.

At the very least, I owe it to the people who have loved and supported me to point out Orion and describe how to find the North Star and remind them that the stars move above them and around them every moment of their lives.

Who knows, they just might have been waiting for me to contribute something just like that to the conversation…

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6 thoughts on “Name the Stars and Someone May Listen

  1. Blisschick January 18, 2009 / 10:19 pm

    Ahh…the dilemma of difficult people…

    A wise, small girl (who paints brilliantly!) often reminds me that it is not for me to “fix” or to “teach.” The student must first be willing.

    The best line from the film Kundun: “You cannot liberate me; I can only liberate myself.”

    Once liberated, of course, we DO become that pebble that sends out ripples, but we cannot force another to throw themselves in the water.

    You know, Marisa, that this is one of MY most difficult issues…I so very much want to “help” everyone.

    Now small talk is a whole other problem! 🙂

    Maybe this is simply the issue of people falling into and out of your life. That we don’t keep everyone around forever.

  2. Tess January 19, 2009 / 7:18 am

    Yeah, I’m with you. How do we connect with others deeply when we don’t know if their deep self is ready – or if we are?

    And thanks so much for the fabulous dose of Ani – just what I needed this morning.

  3. Graciel January 19, 2009 / 6:17 pm

    And just maybe…your very presence in the room with these souls was the diamond that dropped into their pools and stirred their consciousness into waking. Maybe your presence alone was the wave of grace to open them. xo

  4. brandi January 19, 2009 / 9:40 pm

    ‘rubbing elbows with the moon’.

    awesome video-thank you for sharing.

    I was just thinking today how there is so much love around me and often, I close off to it and don’t allow it in.

    and I know that often manifests as not sharing with someone.

    this post was a wonderful message for me tonight-thank you

  5. Nerdy Renegade January 19, 2009 / 11:02 pm

    This is an absolutely magnificent post!

    So much truth, wisdom, insight, and richness contained in your eloquent words. Amazing!

    I’ve noticed lately, too, that I am just plain tired of talking most of the time. This awakening process (why don’t they offer doctoral degrees for mid-life crisis work?) is so intense, that I often have little energy left over for chatty: being or listening. Seems like I’ve had 41 years of mostly surface living – and now I’m diving deeper into the ocean of my soul…making it that much harder to reach the surface when the situation demands my return.

    Glad to know I’m not alone 🙂

    • girlwhocriedepiphany January 25, 2009 / 11:23 am

      Sweet ladies, Thanks to you all… I am rereading what you all have said one week later and just feeling so blessed to have a community of such wise women to sit round a virtual circle with. Blessings to all, Marisa

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